Monday, January 30, 2012

Gods Greatest Creation

I think about Peanut Butter and Honey sandwiches often; I wont deny it. In fact, I am not even scared to admit that I’m a straight up addict. If you are one who believes it’s all about Peanut Butter and Jelly time I'm disgusted and warning you: stop, drop, but don’t roll; just put my OpEd paper down and go eat your nasty sandwich. But, if you have the slightest interest in discovering what might be the greatest recipe of all time, please continue reading.

I eat a PB and Honey sandwich every day and words cannot describe my satisfaction. Now I know you’re thinking, what’s the big deal, it’s just two pieces of bread and some godly nectar in between, but please don’t be hasty to judge. I am about to let you in on a secret and in doing so; I’ll make quite the bold claim. There is only one way to make a good PB and Honey sandwich and it’s my way.

Now don’t you be thinking my way is simple, for my PB and Honey is complexity at it’s finest. First things first, don’t you dare for a second eat a PB and Honey on white bread. Not to mention white bread turns into sugar in your blood stream and heightens your chances for blindness, turrets, and motion sickness, but after being toasted its too crusty for my liking. It’s all about the wheat bread, people. 

So point being, get yourself two pieces of wheat bread and stick it in the toaster for one minute and not a second longer. Not only does toasting for a minute get the bread slightly crisp, but after, it also allows the peanut butter to melt from the warmth.  

After slightly crisping your bread, get the peanut butter. I recommend Jiff, for choosey moms often chose Jiff. Now place the peanut butter on the warmed toast and let it sit for about twenty seconds, but don’t be foolish in placing your honey on immediately after; it will destroy the creamy nature of the peanut butter and honey mixture. So be strong, just wait patiently for the melting process. After twenty seconds place your honey on both pieces of bread, in a swirl fashion, getting each corner. The worst kind of PB and Honeys are the ones that are heavy in the middle with honey and lacking on the edges.  Now after your mixture of creaminess is perfected, promptly place it in the microwave for seven seconds. 

Yes, exactly seven. Five seconds will not get the job done and ten will be too much; you’ll end up steaming your bread and waiting for it to cool. I’ve made this mistake before, unfortunately, and the cooling processes takes much longer than the heating. Do yourself a favor, press the number seven, and start.

The microwave should ring when finished. You may now take your perfected sandwich out of the microwave and place it on a glass plate. I warn you, don’t put your PB and Honey on a paper-towel or napkin of some sort, you’ll be disappointed because it’ll be too sticky and you wont be able to lick the remains. So, glass plate it is. After placing the sandwich on the plate, avoid cutting it. I know you may be tempted, but cutting it will force the honey to the center, which—as I stated previously—is the worst kind of PB and Honey. You want the PB and Honey mixture dispersed all across the bread. Pick up your sandwich, start at the top corner and begin munching.

After taking your first bite, chewing, and swallowing, you should congratulate yourself; for you have just discovered what might be the greatest edible creation on Earth. The amount of satisfaction you feel should shock you, but do not panic. Savor the moment and acknowledge that not only are my PB and Honeys calorie dense and full of carbs, but they are a godly creation sought to satisfy all contenders and lead them to a land of euphoria.

Now taking into consideration the preparation and steps involved in the creation of my PB and Honeys, they are no easy task. However, it’s safe to say that there is only one way to make a good PB and Honey and it’s my way. Take it as it is, disagree if you’d like, but just acknowledge that my PB and Honey is a creation of the Gods.  A creation that will stand the test of time and forever satisfy any mortal seeking for endless elation and bliss. 

Friday, January 27, 2012

Much To Do About Nothing.

Ima write about my day.

Its not going to be exciting, so like, don't brace yourself.

This morning I woke up at 7am. Why you may ask? Because I had 7am workout. Im doing that Insanity Workout program and I've considered shooting myself in the face way too many times. ALERT: Do Not, I repeat, Do NOT do it to yourself. I'm one month in, which it's ridiculously ridiculous that I even lasted this long, but now, going into month two, I'm starting to count down the days I have left--which for some reason is ridiculously exciting.

Is it ridiculous that I used the word ridiculous a ridiculous amount of time in that pointless paragraph above. Meh, most likely, but I refuse to change it.

Next, I caught the bus. Not as in, I actually caught the bus, as in the bus was thrown at me, but I about missed the bus so I bolted out the door so I could catch the bus. I got on, sat in the back, and talked to no one. Haha, the morning ritual: it kills me (check out that usage of the colon).

So here I am bopping about on the back of the bus (now check out that usage of alliteration) and we pull up to my last stop. I take a peak out the window and there's one dude standing there looking like the pimp he thinks he is - with his, mind you, pleather leather jacket on, loafers, and not so cool aviator shades on; I immediately thought, well this, this should be good: and it was.

(Please continue reading for the "good" part of the story)

So dude who thinks he's a G gets on the bus, weasels his way to the back and takes a fat seat right next to me. Unbeknownst to me, he's miraculously reunited with his fiancé to be and they start making out like boom, bang, pow right next to me. Wee bit on the awkward side and they were grossly too close for my liking.

Annnyywaaay, I finally get off the bus after almost being trampled by a chick wearing a sweat shirt, sweat pants, and four inch heels. Why? Like seriously, why?  After attempting to come up with a conclusion for a good 30 seconds, I just decided to conclude that I wasn't going to come up with a good enough conclusion. So she unfortunately walked in front of me all the way to the JKB as I observed her unfortunate waddling all they way to class and betted that she'd regret those heals by second period.

Then I traveld to my French course, spoke in French for a good hour, go figure, and got back on the bus for home. This time there were no creepers, just a dude in a Hollister sweat suit and flip-flops, probably better than the 4 inch heel chick, but to be honest, I'd rather have the dude in Sketcher ShapeUps than a Hollister sweat suit. Maybe I'll go into fashion. That would be decent.

Well, my day is now coming to a close. "It's the freaking weekend baby Ima about to have me some fun," - name that song: "Ignition" by R. Kelly. Check it out, its a good one.  I have no weekend plans, but hopefully I end up doing some RIDICULOUSLY ADVENTUROUS, probably not going to happen, Ima bet I'll end up disappointed.

Ah, and on the disappointing note I'll leave you with this clip:

Alright, I'm out.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Claims & Reasons & Assumptions

Claim: My PB & Honey sandwiches are THE best.

Reasons: The particular way of preparing my PB & Honeys.
1. Wheat Bread
2. Toasted
3. PB & Honey placed on bread
4. Microwave

Assumptions: Everyone likes PB & Honey. Oh, and I assume that mines the best - of course.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

OpEd Thesis

  • There is only one way to make a good Peanut Butter and Honey sandwich and it’s my way. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

OpEd Brainstorm

Please consider my following brainstorms:
- Argue that the way I make my peanut butter and honey sandwiches is better than yours.
- Argue that BYU curfews are out of hand
- Argue that cleaning checks once a month are beyond ridiculous
- Argue and Analyze recent Republican Debates
- Argue against the ridiculous cost of college tuition

Im leaning toward my argument for my peanut butter and honey sandwiches only because it the most ridiculous of my brainstorms, and furthermore, I dreamt last night I attended a cooking competition and all I had to offer was my speciality PB&Honey sandwiches and I won the cook-off; so, consider my OpEd topic chosen.

Oh and one last thing, my PB&Honeys are better than yours.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Forced Without Consent

I fear blogs. In fact, I loathe them. They intimidate me. I feel like I have to be creative or bring something new to the table, but Im convinced I have little to offer.

My fear of blogs is like my fear of Twitter. To further allow you to take a risky dive into this dysfunctional brain of mine, I will recall a story that depicts my brain perfectly. One time, I sat at my kitchen counter on a worthless Friday night attempting to decide if I felt like begin alone or social, a reoccurring debate inside my head, and after pacing my house for a good half hour I decided to sit down and create a Twitter account. Go figure.

People for years have been attempting to convince me that "Twitter is where its at," I beg to differ. First things first, Facebook brings me so much joy it's to a point of ridiculousness and last, but not least, I hardly care about your one sentence tweets on life -- "so done," "so angry." Is it terrible for me to admit that I SoHo don't care. I figure we can agree; I don't care about your life, you don't care about mine. Anyway, I digress, point being is that I dislike twitter, not only because my lack of interest in your life and my disgust in your dire need for sympathy, but because it requires creativity.

So I sat at the counter for 3 hours, yes you heard me, 3 hours, attempting to think of a creative username -  sketchpad and all. I wrote down every thought that came to mind, but I made no commitment. I wanted it to be so much more than just a username. Something humorous obviously, I'm all about sarcasm, but then again something that defined me. By the end of the night I only concluded one thing:
I will never create a blog or twitter account unless forced and it will most definitely be without my consent.

So here I am, blogging. I am a straight up blogger and a straight up G nonetheless.
So I will now take this moment to apologize for my lack of creativity; hence my URL.

Much love people. Consider my first entry and intro complete.