Gods Greatest Creation

I think about Peanut Butter and Honey sandwiches often; I wont deny it. In fact, I am not even scared to admit that I’m a straight up addict. If you are one who believes it’s all about Peanut Butter and Jelly time I'm disgusted and warning you: stop, drop, but don’t roll; just put my OpEd paper down and go eat your nasty sandwich. But, if you have the slightest interest in discovering what might be the greatest recipe of all time, please continue reading.

I eat a PB and Honey sandwich every day and words cannot describe my satisfaction. Now I know you’re thinking, what’s the big deal, it’s just two pieces of bread and some godly nectar in between, but please don’t be hasty to judge. I am about to let you in on a secret and in doing so; I’ll make quite the bold claim. There is only one way to make a good PB and Honey sandwich and it’s my way.

Now don’t you be thinking my way is simple, for my PB and Honey is complexity at it’s finest. First things first, don’t you dare for a second eat a PB and Honey on white bread. Not to mention white bread turns into sugar in your blood stream and heightens your chances for blindness, turrets, and motion sickness, but after being toasted its too crusty for my liking. It’s all about the wheat bread, people. 

So point being, get yourself two pieces of wheat bread and stick it in the toaster for one minute and not a second longer. Not only does toasting for a minute get the bread slightly crisp, but after, it also allows the peanut butter to melt from the warmth.  

After slightly crisping your bread, get the peanut butter. I recommend Jiff, for choosey moms often chose Jiff. Now place the peanut butter on the warmed toast and let it sit for about twenty seconds, but don’t be foolish in placing your honey on immediately after; it will destroy the creamy nature of the peanut butter and honey mixture. So be strong, just wait patiently for the melting process. After twenty seconds place your honey on both pieces of bread, in a swirl fashion, getting each corner. The worst kind of PB and Honeys are the ones that are heavy in the middle with honey and lacking on the edges.  Now after your mixture of creaminess is perfected, promptly place it in the microwave for seven seconds. 

Yes, exactly seven. Five seconds will not get the job done and ten will be too much; you’ll end up steaming your bread and waiting for it to cool. I’ve made this mistake before, unfortunately, and the cooling processes takes much longer than the heating. Do yourself a favor, press the number seven, and start.

The microwave should ring when finished. You may now take your perfected sandwich out of the microwave and place it on a glass plate. I warn you, don’t put your PB and Honey on a paper-towel or napkin of some sort, you’ll be disappointed because it’ll be too sticky and you wont be able to lick the remains. So, glass plate it is. After placing the sandwich on the plate, avoid cutting it. I know you may be tempted, but cutting it will force the honey to the center, which—as I stated previously—is the worst kind of PB and Honey. You want the PB and Honey mixture dispersed all across the bread. Pick up your sandwich, start at the top corner and begin munching.

After taking your first bite, chewing, and swallowing, you should congratulate yourself; for you have just discovered what might be the greatest edible creation on Earth. The amount of satisfaction you feel should shock you, but do not panic. Savor the moment and acknowledge that not only are my PB and Honeys calorie dense and full of carbs, but they are a godly creation sought to satisfy all contenders and lead them to a land of euphoria.

Now taking into consideration the preparation and steps involved in the creation of my PB and Honeys, they are no easy task. However, it’s safe to say that there is only one way to make a good PB and Honey and it’s my way. Take it as it is, disagree if you’d like, but just acknowledge that my PB and Honey is a creation of the Gods.  A creation that will stand the test of time and forever satisfy any mortal seeking for endless elation and bliss.